Welcome to the hedonistic world of BDSM, which stands for Bondage, Discipline/Domination, Sadism/Submission, and Masochism. If you’re planning to take a walk on the wild side it’s a good idea to get to grips with all the kinky lingo first, and we can help you with that…
Anal Play
The anus boasts tons of nerve endings, and there are plenty of toys designed to tease and tickle the derriere, including anal beads and hooks. Anal beads feature balls or bulbs attached by a cord, the beads are inserted into the rectum and then removed quickly or slowly to enhance pleasure. Anal hooks are fashioned from metal, with the hook end inserted into the anus.
Ass Worshipping
Sticking to the anal theme, let’s talk ass worship. This intimate act involves a person showing their devotion to someone’s butt. Worship can come in many forms but often includes stroking, caressing, licking and kissing ass.
Age Play
Age play involves the Dominant taking on an authoritative or paternal role, and the sub adopting a younger persona. Play can include rewards such as cuddles and treats, and punishment e.g. spanking and corner time. ABDL (adult baby diaper lover) is a more extreme type of age play and can involve diaper wearing, pacifier sucking, and teddy bear cuddling.
Aftercare
Aftercare comes after a scene to help all parties wind down and reconnect. Aftercare is for both subs and Doms, and needs vary from person to person. Some enjoy cuddles or massages while others like to share a drink or snack. You might want to get up and have a dance, or lie down and have a well-deserved nap.
BDSM
The common term we use to describe bondage, discipline/dominance, submission/sadism, and masochism.
BDSM involves pleasure and pain, power exchange, and both physical and mental play. There are plenty of BDSM activities, and we’ll cover as many as we can in this glossary.
Bondage
Engaging in bondage involves restraining or immobilizing your partner before or during play or sex. You can restrain the wrists and ankles with silk ties, cable ties, handcuffs, leather cuffs, or rope. Or you can opt for full-body bondage using rope or a high-quality leather body harness.
Butt Plug
The butt plug is inserted into the anus and stimulates the sensitive nerve endings. Start with a short, narrow plug with a flared base, and use lube for easy glide and slide when pushing the plug into place. A butt plug is useful for anal training and could be a useful stepping stone to anal sex.
Blood Sport
Blood play falls under the umbrella of extreme play and incorporates acts that can result in blood being spilled, such as cutting with knives, piercing with needles, or breaking the skin during impact play. This type of play carries risks and is better suited to experienced players.
Bottom
People regularly get their bottom out for BDSM (often for a sound spanking), but in this case, the word bottom refers to the submissive person. The bottom likes to be on the receiving end of play, being told what to do by the Top or Dominant.
Bastinado
If you’ve got sensitive soles and ticklish toes, you’ll probably want to steer clear of bastinado. This kinky act focuses on the feet and those into bastinado enjoy the discomfort of pain inflicted on their soles.
Bathroom Control
Bathroom control may require the sub to request permission to use the toilet, or they may have to follow a schedule allowing bathroom use at set times. Privacy may be restricted too, and the sub may be asked to leave the bathroom door as a form of humiliation.
Body Modification
Popular body modifications include piercings, tattoos, and branding. Some people undergo body modification as a form of self-expression, for others it’s part of a power exchange dynamic, e.g. they have their genitals pierced at the request of their Dom.
Canes
Synonymous with corporal punishment, canes vary in thickness and length and are often made from plastic or wood. The implements can be used to strike buttocks, thighs, and breasts, and can deliver a nasty sting and visible stripes when used forcibly.
Cock and Ball Torture
Commonly known as CBT, cock and bull torture involves the Dominant tormenting of the penis and the testicles by pinching, squeezing, smacking, and using implements such as pinwheels, etc.
Collaring
The collar is a BDSM symbol and a sign of submission and obedience. A Dominant may present their sub with a collar (sometimes during a collaring ceremony) and the sub will wear this as a sign of ownership and respect.
Consent
Consent is key. All parties must understand what the play will entail and comprehend the risks involved. Consent should be agreed upon before play commences as part of the negotiation.
Consensual Non-Consent
CNC is essentially role-play involving the submissive pretending not to consent to certain BDSM and sexual acts. CNC is often used during power exchange fantasies such as abduction and rape.
Contract
Contracts are common in the world of BDSM and are used to communicate limits, formalize a dynamic, and issue guidelines. The contract may be created for a play dynamic or a 24/7 D/s relationship.
Cage
Cages are great for keeping a submissive locked up and out of trouble. They come in all different shapes and sizes. You’ll find cages you can stand up in and doggy-style cages designed for canines (but perfect for subs to curl up in).
Chastity
Chastity involves refraining from sexual activity and play. There’s no masturbation, no foreplay, and no intercourse, Chastity can be achieved via willpower, but adding a device such as a chastity belt or cage will ensure the sub doesn’t get carried away!
Cropping
Designs vary but the typical riding crop consists of a handle, shaft, and a keeper. The keeper flicks the skin and can deliver a stinging strike.
Cross-dressing
Cross-dressers choose to dress as the opposite gender. Cross-dressing biological males may wear dresses, stockings, heels, wigs, make-up, etc. Cross-dressing biological females will go for male attire e.g. suits, boots, etc.
Cuckolding
Cockolds get off on their partner playing and having sex with others. They might stay and watch the action, or stay away and get all the juicy details afterward.
Cuffs
Cuffs are a type of restraint designed to secure the ankles and wrists. There are metal handcuffs and leather cuffs, and both do a great job of keeping the submissive still while they are teased and tormented.
Dungeon
Head to a dungeon for BDSM fun. Dungeons are usually equipped with BDSM equipment including A-Frames, St Andrew’s Crosses, and spanking benches. Hire a private dungeon for intimate play or be brave and head to a kink event to mix with like-minded kinksters.
Dildo
Dildos are often phallic shaped, and made to look like a penis. However, they do come in a range of other shapes and sizes. Use your dildo to masturbate or to spice up bedroom fun with your lover.
Dominance & Submission
Dominance involves taking the lead and issuing commands, whereas submission incorporates following instructions and serving. Dominance and submission (D/s) are the cornerstones of a power exchange dynamic.
Dollification
Imagine transforming from an opinionated, independent human being to a living, breathing human doll. Dollification can involve dressing in an overtly feminine way, or taking things further and wearing a costume and mask to resemble a doll.
Edging
Edging is the art of masturbating or having sex and then stopping just before you orgasm. You start up again just after, letting the tension build once more, before stopping again. By the end, you’ll be desperate to climax!
Electro-stimulation
This involves stimulation via an electrical charge. The Dominant can use purpose-made e-stim toys such as violet wands for a buzzing reaction.
Enema
An enema involves inserting a tube into the rectum and anus to cleanse the bowel. The procedure can be used to prep for anal sex or as part of a medical or humiliation scene.
Exhibitionism
If you enjoy putting on a show and having all eyes on you, exhibitionism could be just the thing. Wear an eye-catching outfit, snog in public, or go all out and have sex at a kink club.
Edge Play
A BDSM term to describe more extreme kink, edge play involves risky acts such as knife play, erotic asphyxiation, and consensual non-consent.
Erotic Asphyxiation
Also known as breath play, erotic asphyxiation involves restricting airflow by putting a hand over the mouth, smothering the face, compressing the neck, etc. This is edge play and not for the faint-hearted or inexperienced.
Face Slapping
Instead of smacking a bottom how about smacking a face? Face slapping works well for those into humiliation and degradation, and is an intimate way to play.
Feminization
Also known as sissification, feminization involves pressing a male to dress up as a woman. This often incorporates wearing sexual or “girly” clothing e.g. flouncy skirts, lacy knickers, wigs, and make-up.
Fisting
Curl your hand into a fist, add lube, and then insert it into a willing anus or vagina. Fisting requires practice, so start with a finger or two and build up to full-fisting once you’re confident.
Floggers
Floggers are BDSM tools useful for sensory play and impact. They usually consist of a handle and long tails and can be used to strike the sub on the buttocks, back, chest, or genitals.
Foot Fetish
Also known as podophilia, some kinksters love to worship the feet and toes. They lick and suck the toes, kiss the soles and rub the feet to pleasure their Dom, and in return, they get turned on by this act of devotion.
Gags
Gags are the perfect way to silence a wayward sub. There are different designs, including ball gags (the ball sits between the teeth and is strapped in place to prevent the sub from making a noise). There are also gags designed to keep the mouth open.
Golden Showers
Also known as piss play or water sports, golden showers involve one person peeing over another. Some enjoy having urine splashed over their naked bodies, while others take things further by drinking the golden nectar.
Humiliation
Humiliation and degradation play is an effective way to embarrass a sub. This can be achieved via verbal, mental, or physical abuse. Examples include calling the sub demeaning names, writing rude words on their bodies, and making the sub kneel and beg.
Human Furniture
Akin to objectification, the sub takes on the role of a piece of furniture. He or she might kneel on all fours as a footstool, or place their hand out for others to use as an ashtray.
Impact Play
A bare hand spanking, a severe caning, a tap with a wooden spoon, a sound flogging, a hairbrush dragged across the skin, a slap to the face – all fine examples of impact play. The impact can be gentle or harsh, stingy or thuddy, and can be combined with bondage and other BDSM acts.
Kink
Kink is an umbrella term covering anything deemed non-vanilla. This could be dressing up as a French Maid in the bedroom, trying out a set of fluffy handcuffs, having a threesome, being suspended from the ceiling in a rope harness, etc.
Knife Play
Knife play conjures up images of cutting and blood, but it can be done more subtly. A Dom can drag the point or edge of the blade along bare skin. This may create a sense of fear, which can be exhilarating.
Latex & Leather
Two kinky materials regularly used in the BDSM world, latex is shiny and pliable, great for kinky outfits. Leather feels great to wear and can be used to make high-quality garments, implements and equipment.
Medical Play
Ready to play Doctors and Nurses? Be it using needles or speculums, staples, or probes, medical play is a popular pastime for some kinky folk. Pull on the latex gloves and give your partner an intimate examination.
Mummification
Just like an Egyptian Mummy, the sub lies down and is wrapped up from top to toe. Bondage tape or saran wrap can be used to tightly wrap the sub and leave them barely able to move.
Negotiation
Before you get into play, you’ll need to negotiate the scene. Negotiation involves discussing expectations, outlining boundaries and limits, obtaining consent, and setting safe words/signals.
Nipples
Tweak those nips! Nipple play can involve gentle kissing or licking or could be harsher and involve pinching the nips or using nipple clamps to restrict blood flow. When the clamps come off the sub with experience a rush of pleasure and pain.
Power Exchange
In a power exchange relationship, one partner takes the Dominant role, while the other adopts a submissive stance. The Dominant calls the shots, outlines expectations, and issues instructions and commands.
Public Play
Engaging in BDSM in a public space is a big no-no. The public has not consented to see your rope bunny tied to a tree at the park and is not interested in seeing your slave kneel at your feet in the local supermarket. You can engage in subtle acts, such as demanding your sub wears no undies when going out for dinner, or sending them to buy a cucumber and condoms, but don’t be tempted to go wild, unless you’re heading to a kink club – in which case let your exhibitions go free.
Pet Play
This popular type of play involves the sub acting as a puppy dog and the Dom acting as the owner or handler. The puppy can wear a collar and leash, doggy ears, a tail, or a mask and enjoy chasing a ball or curling up in a doggy cage.
PVC
Polyvinyl chloride (PVC) is popular fabric used to create BDSM outfits. It’s shiny and very forgiving, perfect for dresses, undies, shorts, trousers and tops.
Black is the staple colour on the BDSM scene but PVC also comes in a rainbow of other colours including red, white, and blue.
Queening / Face-Sitting
Queening involves placing your nether regions onto your partner’s face. Having your genitals close to their nose and mouth will be an intense experience for both of you! Queening benches are useful for saving those tired thigh muscles.
RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink
Consent is key, as is adopting the RACK (Risk, Aware, Consensual, Kink) approach to BDSM play. Make sure all parties are aware of all risks involved and consent has been given to ensure the scene is successful.
Role-play
Be it a haughty boss and a lowly employee, a queen and a servant, a teacher and pupil, or a medical professional and a patient, there are endless ways to engage in role-play. Set the scene, grab costumes and props, and go for it.
Rope
Rope bondage is extremely popular and is considered by some as an art form rather than just a means of restraint. Kinbaku and Shibari are well-known types of rope bondage used by Riggers (rope tiers) and bunnies (the tied).
Sadism
Sadists revel in inflicting pain. This could be by spanking a lover, applying nipple clamps, pulling hair, or engaging in CBT (cock and ball torture), amongst other kinky acts.
Safe words and Signals
Decide on your safe word or signal during your pre-scene negotiation. The most common safe words are red and amber, with red meaning stop and amber meaning I’m getting close to my limit. A safe signal is a must if you’re using a gag or hood that limits speech. A clap of the hands or stamp of the foot may work well for this.
Scene
If you’re keen to organize a BDSM session with your lover or a group of people this is commonly referred to as a scene. You negotiate the scene beforehand, discussing the setting and how the scene will play out.
Sensation Play
There are so many sensations to experience. Run an ice cube over your lover’s skin or drip hot wax onto their flesh and watch them squirm. You can use a cane to lightly tap or prod, and a feather is delightful, especially if your partner is ticklish.
Sensory Deprivation Play
Take away a sub's ability to see, speak, hear, touch, or smell, and let their imagination run wild. Blindfolds can block out visuals, whilst headphones are perfect for blocking sound. BDSM mittens (or boxing gloves) work well to prevent the sub from touching and gags will stop your sub from moaning and groaning.
Service
In BDSM terms service relates to the sub or slave serving their Dominant. This could involve offering sexual services, submitting to BDSM acts, or providing physical services such as chauffeuring or cleaning.
Slave
A slave gives their submission to an Owner, Mistress, or Master and is expected to follow instructions and commands. The slave may do this in a play scenario or as part of a formal dynamic. Slave duties may involve BDSM, sexual play, and domestic chores.
Sounding
This is an extreme form of medical play best reserved for experienced kinksters. Sounding involves the insertion of a metal rod into the urethra and can be carried out on males and females. The rod stimulates the prostrate, clit, and G-Spot, pleasuring the recipient.
Spanking
Spanking is a form of impact play that involves striking another person you’re your hand or BDSM implements such as paddles, floggers, canes, crops, whips, etc. Spanking can be done lightly or harshly and is usually inflicted on the buttocks.
Strap-On
A strap-on is a phallic-shaped toy that resembles a penis. It’s attached to a harness and is worn to penetrate the mouth, vagina or anus. Women typically wear strap-ons to simulate sex with lovers.
Stripping
Treat your lover to a sexy striptease. Start by sitting them on a chair and seductively dancing, to get them in the mood. Take your time slipping out of your clothes and then climb onto their lap and rub yourself against them for a sexy treat.
Submission
Giving up control can be liberating; submission is all about giving yourself to a partner – allowing them to take control and complying with their wishes and demands.
Subspace
When a submissive is submerged in a scene they sometimes drift into subspace. Subspace describes a feeling of contentment, where the sub may enter a dreamlike state and feel floaty.
Shibari
An ancient Japanese art form, Shibari is an exquisite rope bondage that looks impressive. The word Shibari translates to “to tie decoratively” and those who engage in this type of play create beautiful knots and ties to secure their partner.
Switch
As the name suggests, a switch likes to switch from being Dominant to being submissive, depending on the scene and who they are playing with. Some prefer to carry out the whole scene in one mode, others can switch from Dom to sub and back again within a scene.
Temperature Play
This type of play provides the sub with various sensations, such as warm, hot, cool and cold. Drip hot wax on their body for a hot scene, and use ice to chill them out.
Tickling
BDSM isn’t all about inflicting pain for pleasure, there are other ways to play, including tickling. Tickling a sub is a great way to tease and have fun. You can restrain the sub and use fingers to torment them, or grab a feather and titillate the neck, underarms, and bare soles.
Total Power Exchange (TPE)
A full-on total power exchange (TPE) dynamic calls for the submissive to give up control, allowing their Dominant to make decisions, call the shots, and take charge. Factors of this could include defining what the sub eats, when they go out, and what chores they undertake.
Trampling
The perfect excuse to walk all over your other half, trampling involves one person lying down while another treads on them with bare feet or shoes. Some like the sensation of spiky heels digging into bare skin too.
Vanilla
Used to describe those who prefer playing it straight, vanilla’s prefer plain sex to threesomes, BDSM and all things kink. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla, but when there are so many other flavours out there it seems a shame to stick to one.
Voyeurism
If you like to watch the proceedings, be it sexual or BDSM fun you might be classed as a voyeur. Sit back, grab a drink, and watch the action. Kink clubs provide endless opportunities to check out what everyone’s up to.
Wax Play
Don’t grab the candles from your dining room candelabra and start dripping them over your lover! You’ll need special soy candles for wax play, as they have a low melting point. They come in a variety of colours so you can get creative and drip hot wax over your partner’s naked flesh.
Wrestling
We’re not talking about a WWF smackdown, but wrestling is a fetish some people love to embrace. Being overpowered can be thrilling, and some subs like to be thrown around and manhandled. Add to the fun by wrestling in mud or jelly and enjoy getting messy.
BDSM Knowledge = Power
We all know knowledge equals power, and in the BDSM world knowledge is essential. You need to know your stuff before you start wielding a whip or tying up your lover and hanging them by their ankles from the ceiling. BDSM is thrilling and pleasurable, but only when done in the right way. We hope you have enjoyed our glossary, play safe and have fun.